Human-Caused Global Warming? How Do You Prove It Scientifically ?

How exactly does one measure "global warming?" Where is the rectal thermometer inserted? I would love to get my hands on that data file that "proves" that there is human-caused global warming!  Are the data from randomly selected points on the earth?  Are all points on the earth equally likely to be selected?  If a randomly selected point is inside a shopping mall on July 4th, is the temperature inside the mall taken or is the temperature outside next to the a/c machine taken? If the random point is outside the window of an airport terminal in winter, is the heat inside the terminal turned off, so that heat leaking out of the window does not contaminate the measurement? 

Scientists at NASA can not find any "global warming" human caused or otherwise as such from satellite data which measures all points on the earth and averages it out:

I would love to see how each data point for the first graph below was collected. To be done scientifically, at least 400 points on earth have to be randomly chosen in 1880 and tracked with the same thermometric device over the 124 years, measured at the same randomly chosen time of day.   I notice the error bars get smaller over time, is that due to increased amounts of CO2?  They must have more data points in 2004 than in 1884.  Why?  Are the measurements taken at the same locations?  Same measurement conditions? Same temperature device?    If the points are on the oceans, are volcanic hot spots and their variability taken into account?   Is solar output variability (sun spot cycles) an adjusting factor?  Do they now have more thermometers in the Sahara now? Having different locations, different non-random "sample" sizes, and different devices nullifies any scientific conclusion.


If carbon dioxide was increasing uniformly since 1850, why is there a temperature plateau between 1945 and 1985? Probably because CO2 is such a lousy greenhouse effect gas compared to water vapor or methane:


Why is the variability in the 1940s so much more than in the 1960s? Selected data? The 1883 Krakatoa eruption decreased the earth's temperature by 1.2 degrees C through 1884.  It does not show up on this graph.  Why not? The 1991 Mt Penatubo eruption cooled  the entire earth by 0.4 to 0.5C.  It does not show up on this graph.  Why not? The graph starts in 1880.  Thermometers were invented 300 years ago.  Why the selected data? 

If you do not want to lie with statistics, here is the same graph to scale:

Even Goddard space flight is not beneath lying with statistics if it gets them more global warming research money (note how they too use Bernie Sanders statistics and select the years to "prove" a warming trend (note the change from 2004 on the left to 2005 on the right):


There is global warming if you think that the earth scientists are right about the last ice age and the Little Ice Age. After all most of the earth's glaciers melted and raised the ocean levels 400 feet already long before the Industrial Age.  During the Little Ice Age, towns in the Alps were being crushed by advancing glaciers. It is a process that will go on for another thousand years. Then it will turn around and the northern hemisphere will once again go into an ice age.  Vermont will once again be covered with a mile high layer of ice and there will be skiing year round, but no maple syrup production.